If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
