I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
