Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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