I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
