I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
