i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
