This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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