my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
