Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
