People in love make me want to vomit
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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