Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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