Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
