I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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