I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
