she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
