The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
