I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
