Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
