New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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