6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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