You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
