how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
