Welp...herpes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
