You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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