I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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