i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
