I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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