Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
