Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
