Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
