u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
