you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
