I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
