Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
