I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
