i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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