Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
