Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
