I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
