i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
