He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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