How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
