I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Panties = found
Randomize
