the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
