I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
