i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
