what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
