She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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