I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
