I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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