I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
