My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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