Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
