I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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