That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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