he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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