then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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