I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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