I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
